


what i wish i could forget

by MomotheSim



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drunkenness, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-30 21:38:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12661926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MomotheSim/pseuds/MomotheSim
Summary: Nayeon is a mess but all she wants is to forget... At least until she runs into an old flame.





	1. paradise is burning

Nayeon stumbles down the street towards her apartment haphazardly. A few glasses of whiskey down, and Nayeon is having trouble walking as straight as she wishes she could. It doesn't help that she carries the whiskey bottle with her still, taking swigs every few minutes or so. Public intoxication be damned. She's long since stopped caring about consequences, probably somewhere around her third or fourth glass. She just walks along singing an old tune, not quite paying attention to what's around her. Even through her drunken haze she can hear Jeongyeon nagging her about paying attention to her surroundings. What does she know? Nayeon questions as she is proven wrong.

Her lack of awareness ends with her ramming into another person walking down the sidewalk, causing both of them to loose balance. Luckily, the other person, woman, manages to right them both before any damage can happen. Not a drop is even spilt from the bottle Nayeon is clutching like her life depends in it. About time she gets some good luck, Nayeon thinks bitterly as her head swims from the quick position change.

"Nayeon?" a familiar voice questions.

Or maybe not so lucky...

There before her is Park Jihyo. The same reason the was drinking tonight. The girl who broke the heart she didn't know she even had.

"You look awful," Jihyo states, her nose scrunches up at the smell coming from Nayeon.

She must absolutely reek of alcohol but she can't find it in herself to care. Nayeon just scoffs and ignores Jihyo as best as she can, as she attempts to walk past her. Can anyone really ignore Jihyo? Even on the derelict street at night she looks like she owns the world. 

“How are you? Honestly. Don’t give me the usual crap.” Jihyo asks, stopping Nayeon from leaving with a simple touch and question. Nayeon hates the power Jihyo still has over her.

The way she eyes the whiskey bottle hanging loosely from Nayeon's fingers tells Nayeon a simple "okay" won't cut it this time. She always had a hard time lying to Jihyo. They have been friends since they were children and Jihyo knows when Nayeon is being less then truthful. She knows when Nayeon is slowly destroying herself and refusing to tell anyone. It was one of the many reasons why they failed. Why their relationship crumbled after three long years and why their friendship fell with it. Because of _her_... and her predisposition to self-destruct...

Nayeon looks away and sighs. She can't bare to look into her eyes any longer. She can see the same worry and pain that was there years ago. She can feel the same guilt creeping into her chest and she hates it. She feels a brief flash of anger, she shouldn't feel guilty. Its her choice. Its her life. Its her decision to drink until she forgets. Forgets Jihyo. Forget everything they were to each other. Forget everything she did... _'But you know that she worries because she loves you'_ a small voice reminds her much to her annoyance. Bullshit. She left. Jihyo packed up all her things and left her all alone... She left... Nayeon's brow furrowed as her drunk mind realizes something. _She left._

"Why are you here?" Nayeon asks, slurs really. She glares at the woman before her, as much as she can with her world spinning and her head swimming.

“I thought I’d just stop by and see how you were doing… It’s been a while,” Jihyo says, clearly not expecting the question. "I've been worried about you."

"Bullshit," Nayeon spits out, startling them both. Her head shakes as her chest clinches at the _care_ she hears in Jihyo's voice behind the nervousness. She can't care. She shouldn't care. Not after everything Nayeon has done.

Jihyo narrows her eyes and Nayeon knows she is trouble. Jihyo takes a step closer until they are nearly eye to eye. Despite Nayeon being the taller on in this situation, feels like Jihyo is towering over her. 

"What is bullshit, Nayeon?" Jihyo asks, her voice now a dangerous tone that sends shivers down Nayeon's spine. "That someone still cares about you?"

There it is. The root of all of the problem. Nayeon can't fathom that someone genuinely cares about her. Nayeon breaks their staring contest and looks away. She can't deal with seeing all the emotions in Jihyo's eyes. She can't deal with the way they sparkle with unshed tears because of her. She can't deal with the constant ache in her chest. The constant guilt.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Jihyo mumbles. She brings a hand up to Nayeon's cheek and cups it like she is made of glass, like she might break if she is too rough, like she isn't already a broken mess, like she isn't a danger to Jihyo. "We care about you. Me, Jeongyeon, Chaeyoung, Momo, and all of us. We love you and we hate seeing you hurt like this..."

Nayeon shook her head as tears started to form. They _can't_ care. They can't...

"You left.." Nayeon breathes. She slowly faces Jihyo as tears run down her face, as she breaks apart even more, as the shards slowly rip her apart. Her whiskey bottle slips from her fingers and shatters on the pavement below, but she pays it no mind. Not when it reminds her too much of herself. _Broken._ "You left!" Nayeon shouts, pushing Jihyo back with enough force to surprise them both. "You left me! I loved you and you left me!" Nayeon rants, tears blurring the city around more than her intoxication level already has. The street lights cast a mosaic pattern around her that is poetically beautiful as a backdrop for Jihyo. It casts a orange glow behind her that would leave Nayeon breathless if she could breathe properly right now.

"I know," Jihyo admits. Her eyes hold remorse and pain as she watches Nayeon shatter before her. 

"I-I wanted t-to hate you," Nayeon sobs, "I w-wanted so bad for y-you to fix me-" Nayeon closes her eyes as the tears come faster and a sob bubbles its way out of her chest. She wanted to hate Jihyo for not staying and trying to fix them, to fix _her._ But she couldn't... She could never hate Jihyo. "I wanted it so bad... but I love you..." Nayeon admits to herself and Jihyo. 

Nayeon stumbles into Jihyo as she weakly attempts to shove her again. Jihyo grabs Nayeon and holds her close as she sobs weakly. Her fight slowly recides as she is left standing with her head leaning against Jihyo's chest as she cries out her pain. The pain of knowing that love isn't enough to make someone stay. The pain of knowing that sometimes love just isn't _enough._ The pain of _knowing._ Nayeon can feel a light pressure on her head as Jihyo runs her hand through her hair to soothe her. Nayeon can feel herself falling into darkness as she clings desperately to the women who broke her heart after trying so hard to fix it.

"I love you too," Jihyo whispers into the night as she picks up a passed out Nayeon to carry her to her apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo~~ More angst~
> 
> Fic title is from a song by Too Close to Touch and chapter title is from Outline in Color


	2. still remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nayeon wakes up the next day to a killer hangover and something more...

Nayeon wakes up to the sun shining into her eyes, causing a sharp pain to seer through her brain. _'What did I do?'_ filters through the pain as she sits up on her bed. Last she remembered was Jeongyeon mentioning Jihyo talking about a visit... And then she went to the bar... Nayeon groans as she realizes what most likely happened. She got overwhelmed and probably down a bottle or two before stumbling back to her apartment. Nayeon stuggles to get out of bed as her vision swims before her and her stomach protests even the slightest movement, but she still manages. 

"You are so stupid," Nayeon grumbles to herself as she makes her way into her kitchen for coffee and painkillers. Her usual breakfast.

"Yes, you are," a voice says from her kitchen table.

Nayeon nearly throws the nearest thing she can grab at ber intruder when she notices its just Jihyo. Its Park Jihyo and she was about to throw... a blender at her... Nayeon quickly sets the appliance down and glares at her ex scathingly. How did she even get in here? When did she get back into town?

"Here," Jihyo says, cutting off her internal questioning as she hands her a few aspirin and a cup of coffee.

Nayeon sighs in relief and takes the offered painkillers and quickly downs them with her coffee, ignoring how Jihyo still makes it just how she likes it and how the coffee scalds her. "Thank you," Nayeon says sincerely.

"I figured you would have a pretty bad hangover with how drunk you were last night," Jihyo explains, taking a more measured sip from her coffee and eyeing Nayeon.

Nayeon winces as she stands awkwardly in her kitchen with her ex staring at her, waiting. Waiting for her to lead this conversation. Nayeon always hated that about Jihyo. She would wait until Nayeon is _comfortable_ before talking about their issues. It worked fine for their relationship but failed once it came to Nayeon herself. She will never be comfortable, not while talking about all the things that are fucked with her but... maybe that's okay. Nayeon takes a deep breath as she takes a step she should have taken two years ago.

"How drunk was I?" Nayeon asks, her voice shaking. 

Jihyo's eyes widen in shock. Nayeon never talked about her drinking, or other habits... She would refuse all help. It was a topic Jihyo herself never even brought up while they were dating, and yet...

"Pretty drunk," Jihyo admits. She sees no point in sugar coating it. Nayeon has to know what she does. "You pushed me a few times. I thought you were going to throw a whiskey bottle at me."

Nayeon sighs and rubs at her face roughly. She struggles to remember anything from last night as she feels so _stupid_. She can remember vaguely bumping into Jihyo and her drunken anger but nothing specific. Her first meeting with Jihyo in so long was while she was drunk.

"Did I do anything else?" Nayeon questions despite being terrified of the answer.

Jihyo sighs sadly and nods. "You yelled at me for leaving before you passed out," Jihyo says softly. She looks up at Nayeon expectantly and Nayeon can't help but feel like she is missing something. Like there is something she is supposed to remember.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Jihyo asks and Nayeon furrows her brow at the faint deju vu. "Please..." Jihyo _begs_. Park Jihyo begs for an answer from her and Nayeon is afraid she doesn't have one. Not one that Jihyo is looking for. It isn't a neat and tidy reason. Its a mess and its not even something Nayeon could explain on a good day, much less hungover and barely able to function from the pain that still pounds behind her eyes.

Jihyo walks over to were Nayeon stands and gentle grabs her hands. She gently squeezes Her tears are gathering in her eyes but they haven't fallen just yet and she bites her lip in an effort to not cry. To stay strong for the both of them. It's so wrong, but this is when Nayeon thinks Jihyo looks her most beautiful. 

"Please talk to me," Jihyo whispers. Her tears finally spilling over and her lip quivering. "Please-"

Nayeon can feel the fight drain out of her. She is so tired of fighting with her friends. Tired of fighting with Jeongyeon when she comes over to check on her. Tired of fighting with Momo when ever she brings her food. Tired of fighting with herself. Nayeon just slumps forward onto Jihyo's shoulder, surprising her. 

"I don't know anymore," Nayeon whimpers, burying her head into Jihyo's neck. Jihyo wraps her arms around Nayeon and gently runs her hands through Nayeon's tangled hair but it soothes them both. Nayeon has missed this. God how she has missed how safe she felt in Jihyo's arms. Like everything could be better. Like it _is_ fixable and she isn't some broken mess. "I'm so tired," Nayeon whispers, barely audible.

But Jihyo hears it as she wraps Nayeon up tighter, "I know. I know." Her hand cradles the back of Nayeon's head as she supports both of their weight. "I'm not going to leave you again..." Jihyo promises late on a Monday morning in Nayeon's crummy apartment in a town she promised to never return to. 

And Nayeon believes her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story needed a bit more closure and a bit more hope for something better.
> 
> Title based on a song from AS IT IS.


End file.
